I was sitting in my room this morning when I got the urge to look through my closet. There I found my old Nightmare Before Christmas handbag that was filled with all my old spiral notebooks from high school. I started digging through the bag and found old books I’ve written, and then I stumbled across a dream journal of mine. I didn’t write a lot of journal entries, but I’d like to share them with you all 🙂 These entries take place when I was 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. I was going through a tough time because I had dated two boys that treated me like shit. One guy cheated on me, and then started dating one of my friends two weeks after we broke up. I felt so betrayed by my ex and my “friend.” Then I dated this other guy soon after (big mistake. I know), and he broke up with me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. This second guy will be in my dreams a lot, and I’ll call him Mike.
I shared this dream before on my blog, but there are some details I missed in that blog post like what the tile looked like in the bathroom.
I’ve been really sick with a high fever. I want to die, so I went to sleep without any medicine. I have a feeling I’ll die, which isn’t a bad thing.
I had the most vivid dream. I was guided to a bathroom that had only an old fashioned looking bathtub in it. The bathroom was a perfect cube. The ceiling was painted black while the tile covered the walls and floor. The tile was blue, white, with some gold. A young man (late teens, maybe early twenties) tan/light skinned maybe??? With dark hair and bright blue eyes guided me towards the bathtub and turned on the faucet to fill up the tub. There was no plumbing though, so I wondered where the water was coming from. The water was freezing cold
I looked at the man, and he was tall. I mostly remember his eyes. He had the most mesmerizing blue eyes I had ever seen. He felt so familiar, and it was like I knew him. He had jeans on with a black belt and a white shirt. He had biceps too.
After the tub was filled up, he told me to step into it. I felt self-conscious with undressing myself in front of him, and he just laughed and said he won’t look at me if I didn’t want him to. After I undressed myself, I put one foot in to the bathtub and quickly pulled it out. “It’s freezing,” I exclaimed. He said, “it needs to be in order to get rid of your fever. Just step into the water. I promise you’ll be okay.” I slowly sat in the freezing cold water. He used his hand to wash my body with the water.
I asked him who he was. “My name is Daniel, and I already know who you are,” he said. I asked him how he knew me, and he said, “I’ve known you for a long time.” I asked him if he was my guardian angel, and he laughed and said, “no. I’m not that good.” He finished washing me, and said, “everything is going to be okay. When you wake up, your fever will be gone.” I said, “but I’m sick. I haven’t been to school.” Daniel said, “you’re healed. When you wake up you’ll be better. When you wake up, your fever will be gone.”
Daniel stood up, and I grabbed his arm. I didn’t want him to go. I had so many unanswered questions. “Will I ever see you again,” I asked. He knelt down beside me and smiled, “we’ll meet again someday.” I asked him when and he said, “soon.” I asked him, “promise?” He said, “I promise.” He kissed my forehead and said, “Now wake up. You have to go to school. Wake up.” I woke up from the dream, and I suddenly felt better.
April 22, 2010
Alyssa (childhood friend) and I were at Disneyland. We were going to go on the Haunted Mansion. There was an all white room with fancy tiles. Everything was in water. Something about eating sandwiches. And Ally (old friend from elementary school) was there too. A family cut us in line and we ended up getting the back row. We sat in a black car with seats made out of wood and glossed over to make it look shiny. Then we went to Space Mountain, and we were in fear of getting stuck.
April 22, 2010
I was in an old 70s looking home with shabby carpet, and the walls were made of wooden planks. A man had a gray cat that he stole from me, so i took it back. He was chasing after me, and I had the cat in a card board box. I was into his bedroom and opened his window. He’s right behind me, and I managed to get away right before he could catch me. I continued to run down the street.
The scenery changed, and I ran through a fence. I was in a desert. There was a cement building next to me, and my family was with another strange family. I still had the cats (apparently there was multiple of them now), and I set them down in the shade. Apparently, it has been a year, and I had a boyfriend and a best friend. I don’t remember anything that happened over that year. It was like I was on auto-pilot until now. The more I hung out with these people, the more I felt like I didn’t belong.
Me, my boyfriend, my best friend, and this black haired girl, whom I felt closer to than my supposed best friend, left to Costco. We ran down an open field, and the sun was beating down on us. There were weeds everywhere except for a dirt lane. Then my “best friend” fell, and the black haired girl crawled over her inhuman like and smiled. I got tired of waiting for them to get up, so I left and got an ATV. I rode it to Costco.
April 23, 2010
I had a dream that was heart wrenching. Will, JC, Derek, and Mike (aliases are being used) came over to my house and we sat in the back of my dad’s truck. It was a hot day. Mike (my ex from that time) is with a new girl named Aubrey, and he wants to practice kissing better for her. Mike strangely was repulsive. He had strange brown and green mud coming out of his mouth with an ugly/evil looking smile.
I volunteered to help him practice, and me made no effort to even try to kiss me. It made me feel like I was disgusting or not good enough for him. I ran inside and began to cry when my mother and father came in concerned. I told my dad what happened and he got pissed. So he went to search for Mike while I was at school. My dad came into the classroom with Mike and ordered him to apologize to me. I sat in front corner of the classroom. Mike came over to my desk and said, “you’re nothing but a loser and no one wants your ugly ass.”
I started crying again and yelled out that he didn’t apologize, so later on after school, my dad got ahold of Mike again. Then suddenly the scenery changed, and I was with Daniel (spirit/angel from a previous dream).
He was wearing jeans, a black belt, a white shirt, and a black sweater. It was gray and cold outside, and we were standing by a tree over a hill. I was crying, and he walked up to me and pulled back my hair. He kissed my tears away and I smiled. He smiled back at me and held me close to him for a minute or so. Then Daniel held my head in his hands and looked into my eyes. Daniel smiled again and said, “you like me, don’t you?” I bit my lip to hide my smile. “I like you too,” he said, and he kissed me. After a while of standing there holding each other, Daniel said he had to go.
After my dream with Daniel, I was placed at a park with my mom and dad. My dad was on a bike holding a baby. Then we were in the truck headed out on a road trip. The road was old looking with a railroad to the left, and we were in the desert. There were so many hills to drive over. Then we stopped at a place to eat and go to the restroom. It was a whole building made up of restaurants and bathrooms. A cashier at one of the food places was extremely stressed out.
April 26, 2010
I was with Daniel and Thomas (friend from school that turned into my stalker later on). Daniel had a piece of paper in one hand and a sword in another. I had my sword hung over my back, and Thomas had his sword hung on his belt loop. We were looking for someone. We were at a beat down motel in the desert, and there were numbers on the door. Daniel looked at the paper and then at the door. “This is it. She’s here,” he said. The numbers were: 12740957… Something like that. We were looking for a woman by the name of Dorothea or Debbie.
April 28, 2010
My mom and I were going to Sue’s house (my old daycare), but my mom for some reason wanted to look like we got into a car crash. There was a pile of rocks with tons of bushes and dead weeds surrounded around it. My mom parked on the rocks, and we got out and walked to Sue’s house. “What took you so long,” asked Sue. “We got into a car crash,” I lied. “Oh okay,” said Sue. She sounded like she didn’t care.
Suddenly, I was in my old room back at Robinwood, but Brittani’s (my sister) bed wasn’t there. There was a girl or a man dressed like a girl that came in and kissed my cheek. The “girl” seemed very mannish. “She” felt like she could be a man, but had a feminine feeling to her? Or maybe a man with a feminine feeling??? “She” had blonde hair, blue eyes, and so much make-up on that “she” looked plastic. The person wore basketball shorts and a white short-sleeved shirt. “She” scratched herself “down there”, and I thought that’s what most men do. But it looked like she had no penis. “Do you have plans Saturday,” asked the “girl.” “Not this Saturday, but the one after that?” The man/woman asked. “No,” I said.
“Do you wanna go on a date?”
“I’d love to.” The “girl”
The “girl” smiled and hugged me. “Great. See you then.” Did I just agree to go out with a man/she?
The scenery changed again, and I was in a drama class. It was bright and white in the dome-shaped classroom. There was Daniel sitting next to me. He put his arm around me, and kissed me softly. “Do you have plans? Not this Saturday, but the next Saturday? Can I take you out for the night?” Asked Daniel. he smiled at me. “Of course!” I said, but then I remembered the “girl.” “She” was sitting in the second row in right of us. “I-I can’t. I already made plans,” I said. Daniel looked disappointed and said, “Oh…” The looked at the “girl” and glared at her. “She” flipped him off, and Daniel wanted to attack “her.” I stopped him. “I just don;t want him taking you away from me,” said Daniel. “You’re too precious.” He kissed me again, and the scenery changed. Again.
I was back at Sue’s house with my mom and Sure. Sue switched to a new car insurance that supported motorcycles. She took out a huge notebook and was flipping through the pages that had people’s names on them. “I need their signatures saying they’ll help me pay for my insurance,” said Sue. My name was on there, but I said no because I’m not gonna pay money for somebody else’s insurance. My mom also said no and suggested to get a cheaper insurance. Then we left.
April 29, 2010
I had a nightmare… First, I was with my mother and sisters, Nicole and Brittani. We went to a movie premiere, and I got to meet the actors. I wanted to go on a cruise ship with my friends, but my dad said no. I went anyway, and Kyle, Steve, Corey, Josiah, and Thomas were on the ship as well. For some reason, they all were peeing out onto the ocean. Kyle didn’t really want to, so he was using a cup to pee in.
A white, small seal came in and was trying to persuade Kyle into peeing into the ocean. He refused, and the seal tried to bite him. The seal approached me and I couldn’t get away, and it bit my toe. I started to bleed. Then something went wrong with the ship, and everyone started to escape. I followed Kyle to the back of the ship, and he pushed this button to let this metal cage be released. I jumped into the ocean to get away, but I forgot that the metal case had stilts so it could stand up.
I followed Kyle to the back of the ship, and he pushed this button to let this metal cage be released. I jumped into the ocean to get away, but I forgot that the metal case had stilts so it could stand up. The stilt landed on my head, and I was going to get smooshed. I couldn’t escape from the pressure. Daniel’s voice came and said, “you can do this, Heather. This your dream. Just push your head out.” I did and I escaped in time. I woke up.
I had another dream… About Mike… I was sitting with my drama teacher’s son Timothy at a cafe, and we were discussing the TV series. He got accepted into the show, but I didn’t. Then I went to stand in line for food. Timothy turned into a junior football player. He had a shaved head and bright blue eyes wearing jeans with a white T-shirt. He asked me to prom, but I rejected him.
Suddenly, I was with Mike sitting on the curb. I told him how much he had hurt me, and he said he was sorry. He kissed me, gave me a hug, and left. Later, I got a text message from him, “you have to be strong for both of us.”
Then I was walking with Daniel in the woods. We were holding hands, and we climbed up a big, steep rock together. We headed towards the sun.
I drew this picture below the journal entry.
April 30, 2010
I’m shopping with Thomas, and we’re looking at a shirt together. Laughing.
May 3, 2010
My mom bought a house, and it was all dark and black. You could hardly see anything except for a little gray light from the moon. Out of the dark came a boar, and it tried to attack my feet. I went to bend down and pushed it away with my hands. My mom yelled out, “No! You’re not supposed to use your hands!” I quickly let go.
Then I was at a school, and I had lice on my hands. You could black little spots on my hands. I went to scratch my head, and then I had lice in my hair. It itched like crazy. I went to my father and asked him why this was happening. He said, “it’s what you get for being a false prophet.”
Then I went outside. I t was gray with clouds covering the whole sky. The ground was wet with some puddles. I was holding Mike’s hand, and every girl we walked by he’d talk to or stare at. It felt like when I had my back turned or when I went home, he’d call up those girls and cheat on me. That’s how I felt in our relationship. He was wearing a gray tank top, and he was very skinny.
May 4, 2010
This dream made me laugh.
I was in the game Grand Theft Auto, and I was stealing cars and punching people to death.
May 10, 2010
I was an animal in a zoo. Then I was in an all wooden shop, and I left my cell phone on this stool. Then there was a huge group of people in a line going somewhere. I don’t know where. There was a girl from my Spanish class with big yellow balloons in line with her friends.
May 13, 2010
I was pregnant, and I didn’t have a father or I couldn’t remember having sex. People were saying it was an immaculate conception, but I said no because an angel would’ve come and told me. One of my childhood friends got pregnant because she got raped by her uncle. She didn’t want people thinking she was a whore, so I said I’d tell everyone her baby was mine.
I wanted to go on this roller coaster, but I couldn’t because I was pregnant. The ride was yellow and purple, and it went up and down diagonally.
That’s it! That’s all I wrote in that journal. I think it’s all very interesting 🙂