My 23rd birthday is coming up (nobody likes you when you’re 23. That was for all the Blink 182 fans), and I actually wanted to have a birthday party until I realized that I had no friends hahahaha! It’s funny, but actually kind of sad. Yes, I do have some friends, but none of them live in the same town, state, or country as me. I do have a few friends that I see sometimes at parties, but those are my boyfriend’s friends and also my boyfriend’s parties. It’s rather sad that I have no friends of my own in this town, but then again I don’t go outside much. I try to avoid people at all costs. It’s not that I don’t like those I socialize with at parties, and I would gladly invite them to my birthday party. I don’t want them thinking I don’t like them at all. Quite the contrary. It’s just that isn’t it a little sad that your friends you’ll invite were and are originally your boyfriend’s friends? I don’t have my own, but that is my fault. I find myself wanting a “girlfriend” of sorts to hang out with, but I am so terrible with women hahahahaha! I always just had friends that were guys, which can get complicated when you are in a relationship. However, I came up with a better plan. My best friend and I (my best friend being Josh) are going to San Francisco during my birthday weekend, and we’ll be staying at my sister’s place. It’ll be fun 🙂 and honestly, my friends have always been my family. We sure can party! Have you ever been to a Quinto party? HA! You’ll love it!
Enough of my depressing social life, but I have some cool news! I will be trance channeling on a Youtube show called The Shiny Show on Saturday. Two of my friends (that live far away from me), Alison and Kari, run this show. Alison is a medium that channels celebrities, historical figures, and even planets sometimes on the show. Kari is a marvelous healer who asks all the questions 😉 I will be trance channeling Erik, and hopefully I won’t completely fuck this up. So wish me luck! If you want to see some of their other videos, here is a link to their Youtube channel. I love their stuff! They have such great energy.
Link to Shiny Show: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuMxfkTq0MXD79FuV8Blvlw
I’ll be sharing a link to the video of me trance channeling once the video gets uploaded and all that.
Anyway, today I want to talk about self-love. More specifically, loving your body. I struggle with my weight, which I never use to. I was always a toothpick up until I got my curves at 17. Then all of a sudden, I gained a shit ton of weight, and everything I ate suddenly came with consequences. Before, I could eat anything and not gain a pound.
However, being thin doesn’t mean shit. I never took care of myself. Even when I was a size zero, I never liked the way I looked. I thought, “I have no curves. I’m not sexy. I am not a true woman.” Then I went up to a size 7 after I got my curves, and I thought, “my hips are so wide. My body is so weirdly proportioned. I hate my body type. I need to stop eating or I’ll get fatter.” Then I went up to a size 16 because I never stopped with my bad eating habits, and I said, “I’m fat and ugly now. Nobody will find me sexy. I am a slob. I’m unattractive.” I couldn’t stand the sight of myself. I avoided looking at my reflection. It didn’t matter what size I was, I was never content with my body.
Now I know why I went through this. I experienced both sides of the spectrum, but I have started to learn to love my body. I experienced being incredibly thin and hating myself, and I experienced myself being overweight and hating myself. Whenever I see women shaming other women for being “plus-sized” or being “too thin”, I recoil in disgust. Ladies, we must stop this. The underlining issue with all of the shaming and bullying is that deep down we ourselves do not love our own bodies.
Taking care of your body is a way of pampering and loving yourself. I personally hate working out. I see it as a chore, but I found a way to enjoy it by dancing around while I’m babysitting my nephew. He and I have our little dance parties every day, and then I ride my bike home and do some jump roping and sit-ups. It’s not rigorous exercising, but it helps. I feel much better afterward. My confidence goes up, and we all know that confidence is sexy. Wanting to lose weight doesn’t mean you hate your body. I want to say that now. You can lose weight and get your body into a healthy state while still loving the current state it’s in.
You can also be thin and still be incredibly unhealthy. Weight does not dictate healthiness exactly. When I was skinny, my health was grotesque. I was surprised I could even stand and walk around. I had dangerously low vitamin D, B12, and C levels. I also had an iron deficiency, and I got tired easily. I would faint at least 3 times a week from fatigue, and my heart rate was either beating too fast or too slow. Anyone that I went to high school with will remember my fainting spells in the middle of the hallways as we walked to our class or all the times I spent in the nurse’s office because I was constantly getting sick. I eat much healthier now even though it’s still not 100% healthy, and I still fall victim to my old habits every now and again.
Having said all this, I want all of you to look at yourselves in the mirror. I want you to look at every inch of your face, arms, torso, etc. and I want you to give yourself at least 10 compliments about yourself. 5 of them should be compliments about your physical body, and the other 5 should be compliments about you as a person. For instance, I love my waist. It’s nicely shaped and just right. I also love how emotionally honest I am. I have been working to achieve emotional honesty, and I am doing a wonderful job at it. It makes me stronger as a person.
Build yourself up and not down. Begin to love yourself and stop saying “if I were just a few inches smaller, then I’d look more beautiful and be more desirable. I’ll love myself then” or “if I could just have wider hips and weighed a few more pounds then I’d look more beautiful and be more desirable. I’ll love myself then.” No! Love yourself as you are now! Because changing your outward appearance won’t change your inner mindset. Self-love is not skin deep. It comes from within.
Have a great day everyone, and don’t forget to laugh.
A quote that perfectly explains me socially: