Life is tough. It’s full of hardships, but also glorious moments of pure joy. It’s a constant roller coaster, and choosing to be human is not for the faint hearted. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about giving up. How many times I thought, “I’m done.” There are days where I just want to throw in the towel and be done with it all. Set that reset button by putting a bullet to my head, but I don’t. I stay. I persevere. And for what exactly?
A lot of us claim to know the answer. Some say it’s for karmic reasons. Well, I don’t believe in karma. Some say it’s so we learn lessons and grow and others say there are no lessons because that is to insinuate judgment. I say that whatever you feel the answer is for why you are here IS the correct answer. Who am I to tell you what THE TRUTH is? Nobody knows. Just guesses and hints. Feelings and intuitive thoughts. We all have our own perspectives and ways of thinking, so who am I to tell you that you are wrong? I could be just as wrong or just as right 😉
So this blog. This thing people choose to write is something I’ve dabbled with in the past, but I never had any real discipline to stick to it. I’ve realized something, though. I totally lack discipline. My solution for that is to stick with this blog. If I write a post twice a week (yeah… Twice a week sounds good), then maybe it’ll help me stop being such a lazy slouch all the god damn time. No, seriously… I am a lazy bitch. I do nothing all day. I sit around thinking about stories in my head but never put them to paper. Then I beat myself up later when I see a friend starting her new book, and I’m stuck here thinking, “Wasn’t I suppose to submit query letters to a shit ton of agents last week?” Nope! Instead, I binged watched “How I Met Your Mother” on Netflix.
I’m hoping you get something out of this blog. Perhaps it’ll help you learn to laugh at yourself and see the positive sides of every situation. I try to do that because honestly if you don’t have some sort of coping mechanism, you’ll drive yourself nuts during this incarnation.
The title of this blog is Surviving the Human Experience because we’re all just trying to get through it in some form or another. Let me begin with a story some of you may already know 🙂 This happened recently.
I was on my way home from San Francisco. I had gone to see the eclipse in Oregon with my sister and her friend, and I stopped at my sister’s place for the night in SF on my way home. There was a blind man traveling alone. A man had volunteered to help him find his bus. Everything was fine and we waited in line for the Greyhound bus. Then the blind man opened his mouth.
“You vote for Trump?” Asked the blind man.
The man who was helping him laughed nervously and said, “Uh… I’d rather not talk politics.”
“Well I did. Yeah, he’s an asshole, but he’s got some things right.” He said real loud so everyone could hear, “They all deserve to be locked up in camps! Jews, blacks, Mexicans, Muslims, naysayers… The whole lot of them! Even people with disabilities like me! We shouldn’t be here clogging up the good genetics.”
Meanwhile, I kept my eyes glued to my ticket. I wanted to say something. This man clearly had self-love issues, but now was not the place nor the time.
While we waited for the bus, the blind man went on talking so loudly you could hear him throughout the station. Talking about Russians and Trump. Saying Trump was an asshole and a pussy of a man, but then would turn back and say positive things about all the things he has done.
I stayed glued looking at my ticket. I knew he was blind, but I felt if I stared at him, he’d know my strong disapproval for the words he was saying and want to pick a fight with me.
I got on the bus, but a different bus than him. Both buses led to the same place, but if he was going to be loud throughout the entire bus ride to the train station, I’d rather be somewhere else.
Once I arrived at the train station 30 minutes later, I saw the blind man sitting alone on a bench. He got up a few times and walked around the station by himself, then would sit down somewhere else.
When the train was about to come, he was having difficulties finding the spot to wait for the train. He would stomp on the ground with one foot to check if it was sold ground and not the tracks. The poor man had no help. I thought to myself, “Why was he alone traveling while blind? Does he have a lot of pride and won’t allow it? Or is it his personality and attitude that pushes help away?” I could see both options as being the answer.
No one was volunteering to help him. The man that said blacks, Muslims, and Jews deserved to be locked up in camps was alone wandering around. Everyone just stared. All the African-Americans and all the Hispanics waiting for the same train just stared at him as he struggled. After the things he said, I wasn’t surprised no one was going to help him. He said some god awful things. I bet he didn’t even know what any us looked like. Yet he judged many people.
As a few minutes passed, he was still struggling on his own. He would probably miss his train at this rate. I stood there thinking, “Why hadn’t I gone over to help this man yet?” I knew why, and it’s the same reason no one else was going to either. I instantly felt disgusted with myself. So what this man is a complete dick? He needs more love than anyone else here. His anger might stem from his blindness. Maybe this makes him feel disempowered in some way, so he resorts to judgment and anger. I do not know this man’s story and why he was so mad at the world. Perhaps he had a bad childhood or was abused. Why he was okay with locking up his fellow humans in camps just because of their beliefs and the color of their skin translated to me that this poor man was hurting inside. He hated on others because he hated himself.
Right when I made the decision to walk across the tracks to help him, a married couple came to his aid. The few steps I had taken towards him were backtracked. The couple had smiles on their faces as they helped the blind man to the waiting area for the train. Then he opened his mouth again. Their smiles instantly went away, and they stood there silently as he ranted some more. His voice echoed all around us. And all I could think was: hatred truly leaves you blind.