I was raised Catholic, and I have zero regrets about it. I chose the family I did before incarnating and I knew they would be Catholic. I chose them for a reason and being raised Catholic helped shape me into the person I am today. I never followed blindly to the religion. I never follow blindly on anything. It has always been a custom of mine to question everything. Despite my love for Jesus and all the saints and angels, I had some issues with the Catholic faith that I kept quiet about for years.
The first time I learned that the concept of Hell didn’t make sense was when I was 6 or 7 years old. We were told that once your body dies, it is your soul that lives on. A non-physical ball of energy. It cannot be harmed, so why would it be that, if there was a Hell, that a soul would feel physical pain from being tortured for all eternity? That made absolutely no sense to me. However, you do feel pain and can be tortured here on Earth. That’s when, at 6 years old, I decided that Earth was in fact Hell.
I always believed in past lives for as long as I can remember, so I decided to believe that you keep on reincarnating over and over again on Earth until your soul had learned all its lessons and was “pure” in a sense. After that, you would finally go up to “heaven.” This helped me continue going to church without a fuss in my stomach.
Then when I was thirteen, I struggled with the egotistical God I was taught to worship. It just didn’t sit right in my heart, and my stomach began to turn again. I prayed to God and Jesus every night like I was told to do, and the dreams that followed were filled with heavenly bliss and love. I did not-could not-believe God to be this egotistical being that claims to be about unconditional love, and yet, is so quick to judge and throw his own children, whom he presumably loves unconditionally, into a pit of Hell for all eternity for disobeying Him.
That seems to me to be hypocritical. Not only that but extremely abusive. If you were to change out “God” with “my husband”, you would tell that person to run for the high hills! To have ego and command love and obedience, or else you face consequences, is very Human and not Godlike at all. In that moment, I chose not to believe in that kind of God, and if it turns out that I was wrong, then I would gladly face the pits of Hell than to ever worship a being like that.
Instead, I chose to think of God as a truly all-loving being that didn’t pass judgment. I chose a much brighter and positive perspective for myself because I was tired of my heart feeling sick and icky everytime I was taught about God that typical Christian way.
My love for Jesus and God was so great that I decided I wanted to become a nun. I knew ever since I was a little girl that I was meant to be a spiritual teacher of some kind. I know that may come off as egotistical to some, but even when I was three years old, my mother told me how I would have dreams of Jesus. In those dreams, he apparently told me that I was meant to become a teacher. My connection with God has always been very powerful and deep-rooted in my life.
At the time, because of my Catholic background, the best way I thought to become the teacher I was meant to be was to become a nun. Then a few months after making this decision, Jesus came to me in a dream and told me that becoming a nun was not the way I would serve him.
That next morning, I immediately went to church to let someone know I had changed my mind. The priest at my church came to me that day and said he had a dream that Saint Michael the Archangel came to him to tell him that I wasn’t meant to become a nun.
As I got older and moved out of my parents’ house, I stopped going to church. I remember when I got my last ashes on Ash Wednesday. It was in 2013, and I was living in LA. I had gone to the late night mass at the closest Catholic church, and it was entirely in Spanish. For some reason, that night I felt melancholy because deep down I knew was letting go and saying goodbye to something. My childhood faith perhaps? Not Jesus, of course. But it felt like I was shedding my skin and making way for the new.
That following year, I found the blog Channeling Erik and everything changed from there. I resonated with everything that was said about life, death, God, and all of it. I stopped calling God “God” and started calling it Source.
I soon stopped reading Channeling Erik after a few months and continued to grow on my own. I have since stopped listening or reading what every other medium or spiritual teacher was saying and started listening to my heart, my soul. My soul is part of Source, as we all are, so it won’t lead me astray. It’d lead me right where I’d need to be at the right moment.
Once I had left religion, my world expanded to such great and beautiful depths where I didn’t even realize it could. That’s when I started to see what kind of spiritual teacher Jesus wanted me to be, but not for him. It was for myself and for anyone who was willing to listen. I’m no master. I am no saint. I am just another soul, just like you, who incarnated on this planet at this time to deliver lessons and to learn <3
My job is to teach others through my very human experiences that it is okay to let go. Let go of the expectations placed on you by your family, friends, society, job, religion, and even yourself. Let go and listen to your heart. Let your heart lead you where you need to go because, in a way, that is Source (or God) guiding you.
This post isn’t about putting down religion. Quite the contrary. This post is about following where your soul brings you. Your soul may be telling you to join a certain religion or not to. It may be telling you to be atheist, agnostic, or whatever it is you feel you need to be. Be whatever it is that makes your soul sing because it honestly doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. We have no way of proving either, so it just Is. All of it just Is.